Notes for Dads [Rituals, Desiderata], 56: Kitiki #406
Chores, Consequences, Celebrations: You are Where you are supposed to be
Good morning. Grab a cup of coffee. Enjoy, it’s Saturday.
I promised to talk about rituals two weeks ago. Keeping my promise here... Those are the things that identify us later in life. It cultivates family, it’s connected to our friends and it provides intrinsic value as something we believe in and align ourselves as a centering part of who we are—our faith, our own desiderata.[1]
In family it could be-to-day tasks. Chores, consequences and how you celebrate life.
Chores is good ritual to have, with or without compensation. It teaches responsibility and encourages a work ethic. There is no age barrier. Start it at a point when your children begin to understand the value of contributing to the family. Relieves and releases some of the responsibility around the home, and it’s an opportunity to teach how to interact with the world as in cases of volunteering in the community and based on your religious inclination, in church. Youth groups are great benefactors in teaching moral responsibility and complementing the home environment in establishing a moral compass. Be kind. Always be kind. Learn to apologize and watch as much what you say as what you do.
Consequences are vital. It gives credence and complements developing a moral compass. It adds stability, and validity to who you are, particularly as children grow. It provides an idea of right and wrong, good, and bad. You will be tested. You will be stretched. You will be nourished. Your morality can easily be linked to consequences with the important element being consistency. Tested? Taking away phones. Don’t allow them to get away with what’s expected. Stretched? Being grounded, like taking away the keys to the car once they learn to drive and are old enough to share the respect and responsibility that comes with that. You will find limits you didn’t know you had and learn in the process how much you can love and later how much you are loved. It’s not easy. Provides a pivot to celebration. As Tim McGraw says “Always be humble and kind.[2]
Celebrations are another vital measure of rituals. It could be the measure of how you handle illness in the family,[3] holidays or meals. Learn to celebrate the small as well as the ‘big’ things. Having dinner together, though small, is one of the things we have eliminated due to the intrusion of electronics. Voting is a big thing. What you do when you grow up is something you will either treasure or loathe. Talking to each other provides an opportunity for that better than mealtime. Parameters are discussed. Morality established. Faith entrenched. Strive to be consistent. Set a time. Leave the phones. Within these treasured moments are birthdays, holidays, and milestones. Keep in mind how you celebrate with your kids will become a legacy they will own, treasure, and live long afterwards. Make it legendary, memorable, and most important, make it theirs. You replicate what you know. Find peace in being kind. Find purpose in being humble. Find truth in forgiveness.
Connected with all this is attitude. Be firm with your commitments and convictions as they are consequences in life. Add part of life, be nice, be calm and move on. There is no need to ignore a vital necessity to humanity which include in all things be nice. Avoid being bullied as much as you can, but it will happen. Life is full of them and sometimes you just have to deal with them as best you can. Stay focused on the things unite and if you find you can’t deal with the bully, be calm and move on, no matter what they say. There’s courage in leaving some things and some people behind.
Strive to be happy, humble, and kind.
[1] Desiderata meaning - Search